Before we went on holiday, B and I spent a couple of idle hours roaming the internet for things to do in Mallorca. We scouted out beach recommendations, markets....and of course, places to eat. One restaurant, Zaranda, kept coming up on our searches, and when we saw that it wasn't far from where we were staying, we decided that we had to check it out.
It was EPIC. There honestly isn't another word for it. We both chose the restaurant's tasting menu, which promised six different courses, using seasonal ingredients.
We started the meal with little nibbly bits and bobs - spicy toasted macadamia nuts, sweet potato crisps, olives. They came in incredibly cute white cups, the size of large shot-glasses, which I had to resist dropping into my handbag. We also had a little pot of duck liver pate, and crunchy Melba toasts. So far, so yummy.
Then came the bread. There were four different kinds, all home-baked that day. Then the waitress lined up three bottles of olive oil on our table and solemnly talked us through their different qualities. It was a bit like being told the specials when you arrive at a restaurant - the waitress is talking, you're smiling, but a second later you can't remember what she said. I panic chose the last oil because that was all I could remember.
Lovely! Nibbles, bread. Starters next? Oh no, my friends - we were then brought some "little tapas" - a couple of fresh mussels, crusted to look as if they were still in their shells, and some cute present-shaped bits of beef tartare.
I'm not going to lie - I was pretty full by this point. I'd also used about four sets of cutlery. The poor kitchen staff.
Our starters came next (thank goodness. I'd begun to lose hope of ever seeing them). Looking back, these were definitely my least favourite part of the meal. We had a dish of asparagus, nuggets of ham, and hazelnuts. All the flavours worked very nicely together - the perky freshness of the asparagus versus the smokiness of the nuts and ham - but my problem was this: foam. It was a foam of asparagus. Now, foam isn't a food. I like food I can chew. Foam can't be chewed. It's really a bit like eating some highly-flavoured air. Or spit. I know why it was used - it was the first dish on a long tasting menu, so had to be light, not filling, and packing a punch - but still. I could happily have eaten a spear or two of asparagus. Just saying.
It looked super-pretty on the plate, though:
Next came a black poached egg with cuttlefish caviar. This was too extreme for me. On the plate, the jet-black egg wobbled like a sac from which a ginormous insect was about to be born. And the caviar had a faint bitterness which made it unpleasant.
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| ALIEN INSECT SAC!! |
The main courses were up next, and this was where everything came together for me. They were perfectly judged, perfectly cooked dishes focusing on a couple of striking flavours, with much less of the hoopla we saw in the starters.
First up was a piece of monkfish, served with a strip of pork belly and a little parcel of cabbage and parsnip. The monkfish was tender but firm, and stood up well to the flavour of the pork. I think it had just been poached in a thin, savoury liquid, so that it was pearly and flaky on my fork.
As a nice contrast, the next dish was squab, with roasted onions and endive. Game is something I've only recently started eating, but I really like the dark meatiness of it. It worked very well after the delicate fish.
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More clean cutlery, and then it was the cheese course. I was almost levitating with excitement, because I'd seen the cheese trolley on the way to our table. Let me repeat that, with appropriate capitalisation: The. Cheese. Trolley.
Your eyes do not deceive you. That really is a trolley of about twelve different cheeses, which were all described to us by our very diligent and enthusiastic waitress. Luckily, she offered to make us up a plate of Mallorcan specialities, so I was saved the agony of choosing (I was flashing back to my panic over the olive oil).
Sigh. There is nothing I like more than cheese, and these four were divine - creamy and fresh-tasting. Notice the lack of crackers, or bread. I approve. Nothing should distract from The Cheese.
The waitress re-appeared, and smilingly offered us a "pre-dessert". I shot a bewildered look at B. A pre-dessert? What is this madness?
It turns out, a pre-dessert is pretty much a whole dessert. Yep. Before your other dessert, you know, the proper one.
Here it is: banoffee trifle. I had the feeling Zaranda was playing with us now. Testing how much two humans could physically eat.
Well, I still managed the dessert dessert.
This was a rich pool of creamed goat's cheese (like a thick yogurt), swirled round with basil syrup, and topped with strawberry sorbet. This was awesome. So sweet and summery-tasting - like a picnic condensed into a bowl.
We congratulated ourselves on a job well done. We'd made it through all one million courses! Then the petit fours arrived. And then we cried.
They looked so tantalising, arranged on their own little spoons, but we literally couldn't eat another thing. I was disappointed in myself.
We were at our table for more than three hours, but time felt like it had flashed by. While I didn't like some of the dishes, they were all so imaginative and amazing to look at that the whole meal was like a long adventure ride - where you weren't sure what was coming next, but you knew it was going to be fun.
We drove home, and all the way we discussed how we should have eaten the petit fours.
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